Product Review: Groom & Clean

Ok folks, I finally went out and tried this stuff out. After quite a few folks telling me how good this stuff is, I figured why the hell not? I’ve been bombarded by a lot of questions on how to wash out pomade, so we’ll give this a shot…

The only reason it took me to try this out, is because quite frankly… I have no idea what the fuck this is. What is it??? Each and every time I read something about it, it’s either about how it styles well, or how it washes out pomade… Um… Well which one is it??? Is this a styling product or is it a degreaser? Almost made me believe as if I was looking into the wrong product! Luckily, one ready described the container to me and I knew exactly what he was talking about. But damn, someone needs to clarify what the fuck this thing is!

But before I do that, let’s see what we’re working with!

This stuff can be found at your everyday grocery story, Walgreens, Wal-Mart, etc. It’s pretty easy to walk by this stuff. Hell, I’ve been walking by it however many times I’m in the grocery store! Usually, you’ll spot it next to some Vitalis or Brylcreem and you’ll think it’s just some misplaced toothpaste.

I mean, look at the packaging!

Off the bat, I saw Aquafresh toothpaste. Can’t blame me, as they share nearly the same color pallet! So don’t get it confused!

Opening the box up, it comes in what looks exactly like a toothpaste tube. Yeah… Let’s see you not get confused in the early morning…

This product happens to be by Suave, so there it continues to lead me to wonder what the fuck is it, a styling product, a degreaser, or a toothpaste? Taking a closer look at the label, you’ll read “Greasless Hair Control.” Ok… Now what the fuck are you???

Time to see what the fuck this looks like…

Yeah… If you do pick this stuff up, you might want to double-check want you put on your toothbrushes, in the early morn… You might end up picking up the wrong tube… Oh how funny this would be, when the mass of pomade users start accidentally brush their teeth with Groom & Clean instead…

Now that I’ve got some out, I had no idea what to do. I squirted this crap out of the tube, rubbed it in my hair, and tried to build up a lather… To keep this part short, I was rubbing my head until no lather came about. That doesn’t mean that doesn’t happen with another head… BADUMDUM…….. tsh?


Without any lather or suds, I figured… This is a styling product. Rubbed it through my hair and let it sit as it was advised.

As I looked at my hair in the mirror, with Groom & Clean in my hair, it definitely looked to be a modern take on a Brylcreem type of styling product. While this stuff may not have the same greasiness as Brylcreem, it sure as hell doesn’t have a great scent… This stuff smells like laundry detergent… Not the type of scent AFTER you wash your laundry and you want to snuggle up in that warm mass of fluff, as it comes out of the dryer, but the type of scent where you just want to get it into the washing machine and get the hell out of the room.

So I wonder, how the hell do some guys use this to style their hair? It doesn’t smell all that great? I’m all for the classic scents and what not, but this stuff sucks! Suave, I think you missed the boat with the scent of this crap! Let’s cross out scent and replace that with odor, shall we?

Rock-Tick-Tock, it was time to wash out my hair. This would be the ultimate test to figure out what the hell this stuff is all about…

Did a little rinse, “lather,” repeat, and we got the end results…

A FLUFFY HAIRED JAN! Needless to say, this stuff, worked!

I only wish I was able to try it RIGHT after coming back from Vegas… 4 days of adding Dax/Sweet Georgia Brown (blue,) without rinsing ANY of it out? That would’ve been one hell of a test for this stuff!

While I didn’t have that much grease in my hair, I did have a decent amount. Enough to see how well this stuff actually worked. And that it did.

This product being a greaseless hair styling product, breaks down the petrolatum in the pomades we use, making it a whole lot easier to wash out. The difference between the way this stuff breaks down pomade, and say washable Layrite or Sweet Georgia Brown, is the ingredients. I don’t care enough to figure out which specific ingredient does the job, but just nod along and agree with me. I’m sure the mineral oil, hydrogenated lanolin, and cetrimonium chloride helps quite a bit…

Though, Sweet Georgia Brown in the purple tin is the washable version between the 3, it still contains petrolatum. Layrite could potentially work, if it didn’t harden. The reason why Groom & Clean works, while other water based pomades don’t, is because it stays “wet.” If it hardened or changed consistency, it wouldn’t do jack shit. And since it doesn’t, it breaks down the grease in your hair, making it possible to wash it out.

Now, for those who are wondering, how does a styling product wash out other styling products? Well folks, its simple science… Or in some cases, writing on a dry erase board with a Sharpie…

If you ever write with a Sharpie on a dry erase board, the liquid cleaning agents won’t do anything. Write over it with a dry erase marker, let it sit, and sh-boom! It’s gone. Just like Groom & Clean over any pomade. I’m not saying go to your classrooms and test this out! But if you do, might as well write “The Rebel Rouser told me to!” Then one up your teacher with this little science tip.

Phew… Glad this cat is out of the bag! Because it’s been bugging me! Now I know what the fuck everyone is talking about, and now you all do too! So for you cats wondering, HOW DO I WASH OUT POMADE, well, look no further than your local  grocery store.

Big thanks to the fellas who gave me the heads up on it. You know who you are. But I’ll say this… I’m glad I tried this stuff out for myself, cuz I had no idea what the fuck you guys were describing to me! Just kidding… Not really… 😉

Now, I know what you all are thinking… “I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU TRIED EVERYTHING!” Don’t forget, I said I tried everyone’s little home-made remedies ;).

Edit (4/29/2011) Ok, I forgot to mention that it doesn’t wash out the pomade entirely, on the first wash… A couple of repeats and you’ll be getting there. BUT YOU FOOLS SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW!


9 responses to “Product Review: Groom & Clean

  1. That shit you squirted out on your finger does look exactly like toothpaste.

  2. Hey did you ever try using this stuff on a heavy buildup? I started greasing with Layrite then moved on to Grants but I never was fully satisfied with the water based stuff either. I use Murrays Superior every day now with a top coat of the solid type of Brilliantine For shine. I love this combo, and Im sure you know, the shit builds up and is ridiculous to get out. I have a similar hair type to you and was just wondering what is your never fails way of washing this stuff out? Also what is your staple pomade? Like the stuff you use every day or the majority of the time?

    • Linden,

      I have. When it comes to longer build ups, I’ll let this stuff sit for almost half a day. It usually cuts it down to a bit more than half, which is a lot. Sometimes, I’ll comb it out, just to speed things up.

      As far as my staple pomade goes, it used to be Dax Wave & Groom, but I’ve since found “better” stuff. I still like the product and suggest it, but I’ve found many other products that I like equally as well, and would use a bit more often nowadays.

      – Jan

  3. Hey Jan,

    Just got a box full of pomade. Gotta say DAX seriously knows how to make pomade. It holds better, its stickier, less greasy than murrays, but it has more shine! Fuckin sweet! I can see why you like this stuff. I haven’t tried everything yet but I got a couple diff kinds of sgb as well and that shit is so greasy its awesome.

    • Linden,

      That’s true, man! You really can’t knock the quality of their products, especially at their pricepoints! Obviously, they’re a company, as opposed to a brand, but at least they still push quality mass produced products!

      – Jan

  4. i’ve been using this stuff for about ten years for one reason: the smell. it smells like whatever my grandpa used to used. i and my girlfriend both love it. so, you know… that’s my opinion on the matter.

  5. i have grown in love with sweet georgia brown and brylcreem thanks to the rebel for his view on sweet georgia brown…

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