But traveling proper…
With Viva Las Vegas 14 creeping right around the corner, it’s time to crack down, get your shit squared off and start packin’! Even though the trip is only gonna be for a few days, you’re gonna finna wanna be prepared. Because it’s better to have a little more than you need, than to not it at all. THIS IS AMERICA AFTER ALL!!!
So continue reading to check out what I think are some of the bare-essentials…
If you’re driving to Vegas, you can bring as much as you want. But some of us are flying out there, because I don’t have a cool car. Luckily, you don’t have to wait around a carousel hoping that your luggage is coming out next.
Unlike the rest of us. Rushing down to get your bag so you can get the fuck out of the airport, it’s just a way of airport life. You know when you spot your bag, you get stoked, then someone else thinks it’s theirs as well, so they’ll pull it aside and check the tag and you get all pissed because you just want your fuckin’ bag. You know what I’m talking about!
For me, I was lucky enough to randomly find a luggage, out in San Francisco… Yeah, I wouldn’t exactly trust it that much either, but I think I was drunk, and it wasn’t going in my car at the time, so why not? Lysol’d that mother fucker up! But, my lady also spotted a cool luggage at a thrift store, and picked it up for me. So now, we’ve got choices…
I found the leather one btw.
Now that we’ve got some luggage that’s distinguishable from the rest, what do you put in it!
Let’s go down the list. Trust me fellas, it’s a very much so needed list!
First off, we’re going to a Rockabilly Weekender, so… We need our fuckin’ combs!
We all use different types of combs to style our hair at home. And that’s fine. But if you think you’re gonna be cool and bring a pocket comb, so you don’t look too girly? Well suck it. You spend time in front of the mirror doing your hair. It’s a fact of life, and it’s socially acceptable! So bring your trusty combs, so you don’t look like shit. Make sure you bring a couple of extras, because in your drunken debacle, you might end up breaking a few and losing all of em. Better safe than sorry, right?
And why else would we need our combs? POMADE MOTHER FUCKER!
With a selection like that, it’s gonna be tough to figure out which one(s) you’re gonna bring! But, it’s pretty simple…
You’re gonna want something STRONG. The sun will be shining down and the wind will be blowing. So, you want something that will hold your hair nice and tight, so you don’t have to lean over to the closest hot rod and do your hair lookin’ through the windows. Yes, we’ve all seen those kinds of pics, and do it ourselves, but don’t be a tool. Chances of someone else taking a picture of you slickin’ is not high.
Now that you’ve picked out your strong pomade, you’re gonna want that sheen. So, simply bring out a lighter pomade. You won’t be using too much, so you don’t need to break out a fresh tin.
For a little extra support, I suggest bringing a medium weight pomade. Remember my cocktail post? Put that into consideration when you’re picking out which pomades to bring.
I know, there will be TONS of pomade on sale there. But why spend money to open up a new tin of pomade, when you have your already used tin? I don’t like opening a new tin, when I already have a usable used tin. Even if I plan on buying the same pomade there, it’s a little pet peeve of mine.
I already know what pomades I’m bringing, but I can’t give away all of my secrets!
Finishing up products, we’ve got hygiene.
Ok, this doesn’t seem like a lot. But this will definitely take you a long, long way…
Remember, it’s Vegas. There’s SUN! I don’t care if it’s windy, you’re gonna be running around, swingin’ about, you’re gonna sweat! If you’re goin’ with a lady or rollin’ stag, you’re gonna wanna smell good for the ladies. Fuck that spray shit. Roll this shit over your pits and you’re good to go.
Q-tips. As I’ve said, it’s gonna be hot. You don’t want to talk to someone with gunk dripping out of your ears, do ya? Believe me when I say, I’ve seen someone with earwax DRIP out of their ears. Not a pretty sight. Let alone seeing them wipe it on a couch… Yeaaaaah… So please, bring some fuckin’ Q-tips!
A toothbrush… Now, you’re wondering, WHAT ABOUT THE TOOTHPASTE DUMBASS! Well fuck yourself. I’m rollin’ with my lady, so I know she’s bringing toothpaste. But if you forget your toothpaste, guess what, people used to brush their teeth without it. And you can too! As long as you brush out that morning breath with just water, you’re gonna be ok! As awesome as minty breath is, odorless breath beats morning breath, any and every time of the day.
Now, we have this stuff at home. But please, spend a few dollars and bring a new stick of deodorant and toothbrush. They’re not that expensive, by now, you probably need to replace both of em anyways. So just do it for the trip. People will value your hygiene more than you realize.
Now, for the attire. Now that your breath smells good, your hair is nice and shiny, let’s talk about getting dressed.
Getting dressed in the morning is one of the hardest things for Americans. That and getting a new haircut. But this is a trip. So there’s no excuse for you to look like a hobo. You’re surrounded by different people, chances are, you’re gonna make a few friends along the way. So, why not be presentable?
There’s gonna be a lot of pompadours there, good and a shit ton of bad ones. No one will notice how much better your hair is, if you’re dressed like everyone else. Ladies, agree or disagree? You can have the coolest pomp at the show, but when you’re wearing white or black tees and blue jeans like everyone else, you’re pomp will be lost in a sea of generic.
Button down, collared shirts. Whether you’re going with plaid, faux work wear, whatever. Collars fellas, collars. Ain’t nothing wrong with collared shirts! Don’t try to test me on the whole greaser-white shirt-rebellion shit. I know my history, possibly more than the most of you. But guess what, it’s the norm. now. So put on a cool collared shirt, and stand out, ok?
Yes, I know I literally just said something about white shirts… But guess what, these aren’t gonna be worn as is! Nothing ruins a button down shirt than a dirty, wrinkled white t-shirt underneath. You’ve seen that Hanes commercial about “bacon neck?” Yeah… You don’t want that. And just like your toothbrush, you should replace your janky white shirts! Even if you use em as undershirts, THEY NEED TO BE REPLACED! Vegas will be a proper time to replace em.
As we trickle down the body of a man… Well… doesn’t that sound… Yeah. We’ll skip this part…
Very, VERY much so needed is clean pairs of UNDAPANTS!
This is something you want to bring the most of. There will be “accidents,” you will be too drunk, so just bring some good undapants! Boxers, briefs, tighty-whiteys, whatever. Bring a shit ton of underpants, you’re gonna need em! You don’t wanna walk around with swamp-nuts all day long, do ya? Sorry ladies, it’s the truth.
For you fellas that go commando, don’t. We don’t want to see your hairy ass crack. Ladies don’t find it sexy anymore. Nor do the fellas. So. undapants undapants undapants!
For the night-time, you wanna spruce it up a bit. So, why not go with some slacks?
I’m not one of those vintage hunters. Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome to see these cats with pristine Garb. shirts and 40s high waist-ed slacks, but that kind of stuff is out of my price range. But it doesn’t mean I can’t wear a clean pair of slacks! If you’re going with a vintage theme, go with pleats. Nothing beats a pair of full fitting, pleat front slacks with a crease down the center. If you can’t afford the 40s goods or the repros, ain’t nothing wrong with the modern stuff with the classic look.
You don’t want to ruin your slacks during the day. So what better than a simple wardrobe staple?
Now, you’re gonna see a lot of freshly store-bought, a few sizes too big Levis 501s with 6 inch cuffs. That’s fine. I appreciate that look. But, you won’t catch me in that. I like the look a little more refined than the rest. My jeans won’t be crisp out of a Sears bag, they won’t be wider than myself, they’re gonna sit perfectly on my body, and it will be entirely noticeable from the rest.
You’re gonna need em. Your lady is gonna need em. Most cats use these for a look. I use mine to wipe spills, wipe my hands, etc etc. Pretty much, I actually use these things! I’ve lost many cool ones along the way, but still have some that have lasted a long while. Even if you keep these tucked at the bottom of your pocket, because you don’t like that look, carry one. You will definitely use it at some point or another! And since we’ll be in Vegas, I can guarantee it! So bring a couple, and thank me later…
As we reach the bottom of the man. We’re not left with much options… or are we?
One thing that I’ve learned, is that socks really tell people something about your personality and character. The wilder, the better. Nothing beats a cool pair of socks! They can be as wild as Paul Smith socks or cheap but funky as Target socks. Hell, I even have some socks from Walgreens cuz I dug the print so much! Can never go wrong with some crazy ass socks!
Shoes, I’m gonna be as simple as can be. I’m gonna wear the same boots I flew in with, day and night. Hey, can’t go wrong with em! They’re gonna save a ton of space, since I won’t be bringing another pair of shoes with me. They’re as comfortable as they could be. Plus they’re gonna look good with whatever it is I’m wearing. So, that’s what I’m gonna bring as far as footwear goes. Whatever you decide to bring for yourself, is entirely up to you. But you just can never go wrong with a solid pair of boots!
Now, I know I left a few things out. I don’t wanna take pictures of every little thing!
If you shave everyday, don’t forget your shaving kit! I like the little stubble, so I plan on shaving a couple of days ahead. But for you cats who need to shave everyday, bring it!
Chapstick. It’s hot. You’ll be drunk. You’re gonna be a mouth breather. Bring your Chapstick. Girls don’t like to kiss dry lips anyways.
Eye drops. Ok, for you stoners, you already know this. But I don’t smoke, but I also don’t want to look like a fuckin’ zombie. So bring some eye drops!
Condoms. That is all. We don’t need any rockabilly Teen Moms, do we? Thought so.
A needle and thread. You’re thinking, when the hell would you need that? Well, if you get as drunk as I’ve ever gotten, you’re gonna be doing stupid shit. You’re gonna tear a hole in the gooch of your jeans, and you’ll be shit out of luck. So, a simple needle and thread will do ya. And if someone you manage to get a huge cut, well, you could stitch yourself up! Your lady should have this covered, but if she doesn’t, assist her a bit and bring it just in case.
That’s about it folks. There’s a few simple and very effective ways to get yourself lookin’ good while goin’ on short trips, such as VLV. Being able to distinguish your look from everyone else, is gonna make a world of difference when meeting new folks. And hey, if it catches a couple of looks from the ladies, all the better, right?
There’s gonna be a whole lot more prep’n for Vegas, so stay tuned!
Until then, I’ll be seein’ some of you folks at Vegas!