Home Improvement

If only I were talking about the show and all the cars shown on it…

I consider myself to be a rather “handy man.” Though I don’t have any of that kind of work experience behind my belt, I’m rather good with my hands. (Hint hint, someone give me a job!)

I thought about all the pomade I have, and how it takes up a decent amount of shelf spacing. More than a decent, a little bit too much. So. I figured what better way to store your pomade, than cover shelves! As tacky as some folks find these to be, I think they work. For me at least.

Not too many things can fit in a fuckin corner. Simple as that. Yeah, you can put sticks or a guitar, or your John & Kate +8 kids in the corner, but realistically, its space that’s very under appreciated. And as little as pomade tins are, a lot of them can take up space, making corner shelving perfect candidates for em.

If I had to means and tools to do so, I would’ve just cut up some wood, painted it myself, and saved some cash. But unfortunately, I don’t, so… Off to the best place in the world, next to Disneyland, TARGET.

The corner shelves they offer come in either black or white. As cool as I am, I bought black. These expensive fuckers are about $14.99, and only come with 2 corner shelves. If they had made it 4, it would’ve been perfect. So, down goes $3x.xx down the drain.

At least it comes in matte black. Not too bad I suppose. Trust me, I won’t be putting a porcelain squirrel or a Moleskine on there.

You’d think that these things would be easy to install. Three screws, three brackets, and let gravity work everything out. Right? Wrong. This thing was more complicated than it looked.

You had to measure this out and that out. The shelves had little notches so screws would sit in place, holding it up, and you only had one bracket to hold up the opposite side. And if one screw was at a wrong angle, you were royally fucked and had some holes to patch. Yeah. All that jazz and more. And guess what. I dealt with all of that!

After figuring out the basics, I got one in.

That anchor was already there, from a previous shelf. So don’t bother.

See that shadow? Yeah, we all do. You’d think with some basic engineering, 90 degree angles, that this thing would somehow sit flush. Nope… If it sat flush on one side, the other would have a good cm. of clearance space. To make sure I wasn’t just seeing things, I walked around my house, putting this thing in several corners, and ended up realizing that this was just some awkward engineering.

I know, I know… If there weren’t any space, it wouldn’t be able to fit the screws inside the notches. But guess what, BRACKETS WOULD’VE SUFFICED. Not just for style points, but also for installation points as well! I knew I should’ve just cut up some wood…

But let’s see how this fucker looks with pomade on it…

Not too shabby…

After installing the first one, I thought the rest would be a breeze. But for whatever reason, my wall said otherwise.

After breaking an anchor or 5, I ended up slamming my screw driver into my hand, with my full body weight behind it.

Guess I’m pulling a Tim The Toolman Taylor, eh? At least I didn’t break through the wall!

After a few miscalculations, a couple of holes patched, and a bottle of Advil popped, this thing was finished! The bottom shelf is a little bit off, about half a cm, but it’s ok. It’s fuckin. O.K.

There you have it. I have a fourth one, but I don’t think I could handle putting up another one of these, for now…

This isn’t me being obsessive about pomade.  It’s about utilizing that empty space, and putting it to good use. Because now, that shelf space I had the pomade on, I can use it for cooler shit. Like… Knives and shit. Or… Whatever… THE OPPORTUNITIES ARE ENDLESS!!!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. What happens when I get more pomade?

Well, that’s simple. Throw the old tins in a box and put the new stock on the shelf. That simple. And trust me, I need to get about 2 of each, of everything on those shelves.

Now… What to do about those pigeons on my roof…

edit* Now with one more shelf for Schmiere Pomade!


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