BY THE BEARD OF ZEUS!!!
My pissing and moaning about the shitty weather has worked! The storm clouds have subsided, for now. Which has allowed me to finally put to use one of the many Schmiere pomades. So I washed out all of the pomade from the previous week and went to town!
Now… This was a pomade I had to put in a little more work into. Why? BECAUSE IT’S ALL IN GERMAN! Unfortunately, my lady who happens to be German, doesn’t read or speak a lick of it. Thanks Lady! Fortunately, I happened to have downloaded a translator app. and guess what… It works! Now I know what everything says! Well, according to the translator at least…
The tins for Schmiere are rather big. Not too deep (that’s what she said,) but not shallow in anyway. They measure out to be just a tad under an inch and a half thick and a bit over three and a half inches (giggity) in diameter. Now you cats see why I had to install the last shelf JUST for this pomade. Pretty hefty tins of pomade.
I’ve decided to go down the line, starting with the lighter pomade first.
First off, the design of the labeling has a very vintage, worn out look with some “patina” to it. Pretty neat in my book. Each tin has the little black bird styled up differently. But hey, doesn’t that little birdy look a little familiar?
I think so. But then again… the list can go on and on…
Thanks to my little translator, we can decipher the words!
As it seems, Schmiere translates or literally translates to “goo” and Feinste Haar-Pomade is Fine Hair Pomade. So now we’ve got goo for our fine hair! The way to tell which pomade is light, medium, or heavy, is by the X’d off wording on the side. Weich for soft, Mittel for medium, hart for hard, and I’m guessing Knuppelhart for FUCKIN HARD? Just kidding .
Each pomade is a different color. And it only makes sense that each color has it’s own specific scent.
The light pomade, happened to be pink. Guys like the color pink, right? You know you shit yourself whenever a pink Cadillac rolls by! Since it’s pink, you can only guess the scent. No, it’s not bubble gum! FLOWERS. And guess what, the ladies love it… Now, if you can’t handle the flower scent, you can’t handle this pomade! Because as soon as you work it into your hands, the scent only gets stronger buddy!
The other colors have scents that match, but we’ll get to that later. Gotta keep some of you on your toes!
This pomade is rather similar to Deluxe. As in the texture when you scoop it out and how it spreads in your palms. Yet, it’s NOT the same as Deluxe. And you’ll see why…
This stuff looked sort of like candy. Of course, the pink color probably gives it that look. I almost wanted to be an awkward 2nd grader and eat it. Not really, but it would be funny.
Now… Like Deluxe, as you mix this stuff in your hands, it turns COMPLETELY clear. It pretty much turns into a light ass grease. Cool right?
SMEARED THE SCHMIERE!!!
Now… Though it has a few similarities to Deluxe, hell, even the tin feels the same (different design though…) it is quite different. Unlike Deluxe, this stuff didn’t forcibly “accentuate” my natural waves. YES! Finally, a light pomade that doesn’t make my wavy hair super wavy! Now, it didn’t make it stick straight, but it didn’t make my hair look like I had finger waves.
Schmiere runs through, VERY smoothly and I love it. It’s easy to slick through, easy to style up, and definitely gives you that good ol’ greasy sheen. And you cats should know by now, I love the sheen.
While there isn’t too much of hold in the lighter pomade, as light pomades are, I was able to keep my hair in place and only had to slick it whenever I got out of the car. Of course, this is the light pomade of the bunch. So you can only imagine what the thicker stuff is like… What she said…
Not too bad, right? It was able to hold down my sides, rather well. You can definitely tell that it gives you a good sheen.
Ideally, this pomade is DEFINITELY for slick backs or side parts. Well duh, that’s what light pomades and hair dressings are for! It’ll really give you that nice wet look, without being overly greasy like Royal Crown or Murray’s Super Light. Plus, it’s not too hard to wash out. Always a plus.
I also have to factor in that this stuff is from Germany. Those folks got some fine hair! So they don’t necessarily need the thick greasy stuff to get their hair rockin’ right. Just something nice and light, with a relatively decent amount of hold. And that’s exactly what this version of Schmiere is. You cats with thinner hair who don’t need a super greasy pomade, but need the look, this is definitely the way to go.
And as I review the other pomades down the line, we’ll see if this will work as a perfect top coat for either another Schmiere pomade (depending if they have sheen or not,) or for something like Dax.
If you want to order this stuff, head over to their online shop. They’ve got great customer service, so you won’t be left hanging while you wait for that grease!
That’s it for now. I’ll try to get the other pomades reviewed soon. So until the next time…